Always Alone
by The Eclectic Bookworm
Summary: Her eyes never see him, Tonks's eyes, the ones that sparkle with mischief and magic. If he was another man he would long for her, but he loves her far too much for that. For oh yes, he loves her, loves her with a passion that consumes him at times, but he knows she will not feel the same. Werewolf, werewolf, werewolf. Always overlooked, always on the sidelines, always alone.


**This is for the Fiddler On The Roof Challenge.**

_**Bielke: Write about someone overlooked.**_

* * *

Remus is trying not to scream.

They're all gathered around the Marauders, all of his classmates, and no one seems to notice that there's another marauder trying to get back to his friends.

It's graduation, and they're saying goodbyes, and everyone wants to talk to James Potter and Sirius Black and yes, even the comically bumbling Peter Pettigrew. But they've blocked Remus out, whether accident or not he doesn't care.

_Look at me! _he wants to scream. _Look at me, I'm someone, I know the answers sometimes but not always, I fancied a girl who didn't care for me, I lived, I lived._

It's funny somehow that all the eyes seem to travel over him. He was never the fun one, never the outgoing one, and he's paying the price.

But really, he isn't entirely sure if putting himself out there is worth the pain when they find out his secret. Already five of his job applications have been turned down.

_Werewolf, werewolf, werewolf. Always overlooked, always on the sidelines, always alone._

He knows he has James and Sirius and Peter, but sometimes they forget that he isn't like them. They are the best friends any boy or wolf could ask for, but still they are imperfect, still their eyes seem to not see him every once in a while.

And the worst part is that he knows he will never marry. Never to one that he loves, for he would want no one to be tethered to a weak, cowardly werewolf.

There it is, that word that seems to tether _him_.

* * *

They are dead.

All of them. One man a traitor as good as dead, two men murdered by the friend they trusted, and his Lily, his rare flower-sister who loved him as a brother, killed. Dead. Dead. Dead.

He shakes in the rundown old cottage, praying to die as well, almost ready to lift his wand and end his pitiful existence.

And who would care, who would truly weep, how long would it take for the wizarding world to realize that a man had committed suicide because no one could reach him?

Something stops him. He has a strange feeling that his story is not over yet, even if he is alone.

* * *

Her eyes never see him, Tonks's eyes, the ones that sparkle with mischief and magic. If he was another man he would long for her, but he loves her far too much for that.

For oh yes, he loves her, loves her with a passion that consumes him at times, but he knows she will not feel the same.

_Werewolf, werewolf, werewolf. Always overlooked, always on the sidelines, always alone._

He pretends only to be her friend, but at night he lies awake and imagines her and those gorgeous eyes and that bubblegum-pink hair.

He never realized that he likes pink more than any other color.

The next day, during an Order meeting, completely oblivious to the world, as an answer to Mad-Eye's question Remus says "Pink" and then "What?" and then groans and tries not to blush, because he is certain that lovely Tonks is giggling at his expense.

* * *

"You seem distracted," Sirius comments to Remus, who is thinking rather dreamily of Tonks and the way her nose crinkles when she laughs.

Remus jumps. "Hmm? Oh. Yes. No. I-"

Sirius laughs. "Some witch, I take it?" When his friend flushes in response, he smiles. "Go for it, mate. She's one lucky girl to have your affection."

Remus gives him a look that borders between frustration and anger. "It is quite complicated, Sirius, you won't understand."

Sirius nods, then replies, "I respect your privacy."

Half of Remus almost wishes Sirius would push him to tell.

* * *

They're sitting outside Lucius Malfoy's house, Tonks looking mildly bored.

"He's not going to curse us or anything, and he barely ever gets visited." She idly twirls a strand of her bright pink hair. "This is bloody boring."

Remus laughs softly. "Tell that to Mad-Eye, maybe you can convince him to make us stop watching Malfoy's house."

"You know Mad-Eye," replies Tonks with an eye roll, "all about intensely intense security."

Remus smirks now. "Intensely intense security? Sirius rubbing off on you? He's the only person I know who uses such atrocious grammar."

"Shut up." Tonks grins at him. "Speaking of Sirius… he's still quite handsome, isn't he, even after Azkaban?"

He'd known this was coming all along, the love for another, but that didn't mean that it didn't feel like physical pain.

_Werewolf, werewolf, werewolf. Always overlooked, always on the sidelines, always alone._

"I suppose you've fallen for Sirius then," he responds bitterly. "He always got the women."

Tonks gives a start, and then her cheeks turn fire-engine red as she snaps back furiously, "You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, Remus Lupin, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice!"

Remus feels his stomach twist as an amazing happiness descends upon him.

He is tempted, oh so tempted, to lean forward and kiss her right there in Lucius Malfoy's prickly garden shrub, but then he realizes, then he remembers that day when he was seventeen.

_He knows he will never marry. Never to one that he loves, for he would want no one to be tethered to a weak, cowardly werewolf._

"Hmm," he says dismissively, though it kills him to turn away from Tonks and the gorgeous fiery light in her eyes. "Maybe I'll figure it out someday."

* * *

He volunteers willingly for the most dangerous missions now, and he waits patiently for Tonks to turn away in despair.

But she never does.

"_Talk _to me, Remus," she begs him one day after a meeting, grabbing the front of his robes, her tear-filled eyes glimmering in a different way now, but he pushes past her because it is for their own good.

Her hair is not pink anymore.

* * *

After Albus Dumbledore's death, and Tonks' brave admission of her feelings, Remus meets her before he heads up to his old quarters, from when he was a teacher.

"I'm sorry, Dora," he murmurs.

She stares at him miserably. "Not this, Remus. Please, not now."

"I'm so sorry it took me so long to figure things out."

"You're a bloody idiot, Remus, what can I expect?" She sounds on the verge of tears. "Go ahead. Tell me it's for my own good, what can I say to you that will change your mind?"

He stares at her, and suddenly realizes with an immense shock that she loves him just as much as he does her. Why else would she be so choked up?

He takes her hands, takes her in his arms, barely conscious of what he's doing. Now her hands are pressed against his chest and she's staring up at him and trying not to cry.

Very gently, he leans down and kisses her, his world suddenly spiraling out of control at this one touch from such a remarkable woman.

They stay like that for goodness knows how long before she opens her mouth, an invitation which he takes, anything to be as close to Dora (_his_ Dora, he could sing that from the top of the highest mountain) as is possible.

They end the kiss at the same time, and Remus notices with a small smile that Dora's hair is rapidly changing colors.

"It..it does that sometimes," she breathes at his glance at her tresses. "When I'm feeling really happy."

Her voice has lost that flat edge, her eyes have an excited glow in them again, and Remus communicates his joy by kissing her again.

He realizes, suddenly, that he was the only one overlooking himself.

* * *

**So** **there we have it! I've been dying to write about Remus, and this was too good of a chance to pass up.**

**Reviews?**

**-The Eclectic Bookworm**


End file.
